For the majority of lesbians, there are handfuls of stories that involve a fling or two with straight women. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, and good old lezzie shows like The L Word and Lip Service did a really good job at showing everyone just how difficult it can be falling for (or into bed with) a straight girl. As fun, as it can seem, however, if you’ve never had that experience before, are considering the possibility, you need to weigh up the pros and cons and see if it’s all really worth it. Hooking up with a straighty is borderline expected for those dubbed “baby dykes” and for others, it’s a fun challenge or an exciting way to end a tipsy night out.
But lesbians, be warned! Hooking up with a straight girl can certainly end up resulting in more than just a good time. Ever heard of feelings and attachment? YEP. Get ready for those things to pop up quickly if you’re having more than a very well communicated one-night stand.
As it goes, feelings and attachment can go both ways when hooking up. If it were possible to pre-warn yourself from developing emotions for particular women, we’d all be doing it. But the truth is, you can’t control that kind of thing. Sooner or later, we completely fall for the wrong person and spend our days drowning in heartache and heartbreak trying to figure out why that “read” receipt and no text back is keeping us up at night.
As far as the experience goes, many lesbians don’t mind being a test subject for curious women. But the consequences of intimacy go further than just conquering fantasies and showing someone a totally different world of pleasure – you’ve got to be ready to let someone down, or be the one let down.
Most consistent hook ups with straight women typically occur from pre-existing friendships that evolve to be something more. When two women become close friends, emotional closeness and nurturing habits occur, creating ideas and feelings that can be misleading to either party. It can be especially frustrating, however, when one of the two is actually attracted to the same sex. It would be so much easier for everyone if communication and acknowledgment of wants and desires were laid out flat on the table so you could see them clearly. The sooner that conversation happens the better because you can begin the healing process and learn how to continue just being friends, if possible.
Other situations can be a direct result of picking someone up at the bar that you took an interest in, and them you. There’s nothing like blaming it on the alcohol! Rest assured, those acts of expression and slurred words usually don’t mean the same thing the next morning. What started as charming the pants off of each other, can quickly turn into fewer and fewer text messages the days following, and eventually turn into none. You might never even see them again. For many straight women, they go back to where they are most comfortable….being straight. A hookup or two doesn’t usually change anything for them, and if it does, you might be dabbling in being someone’s “first,” which (as we all know) is the most intense. Long story short, know what you want, and make that very very clear to them, and yourself, before you start breaking hearts or getting in too deep (pun intended?).
The good news is that you’re not alone when it comes down to it. If you bring up straight girls to your other lesbian friends, they’ll either quickly say “DON’T DO IT,” or “Haaaa, been there, done that, didn’t last long enough for me to get a t-shirt or a hat.” The other good new is that your love life isn’t over. There truly are plenty of fish in the sea (www.plentyoffish.com if that helps). However, if all else fails, know that nothing is wrong with you because it didn’t work out for you and a straight girl. Just watch this video about straight girls sleeping with lesbians and get some of your many confused questions about the minds of straight girls answered!
